"Turn around Tony Danza, I have a surprise for you!" said Alyssa Milano.
"Gasp," said Tony Danza. "Go put some clothes on young lady!"
"I'm such jail bait, you know you want it," taunted Alyssa Milano as she approached. "I'm your birthday present, go ahead and unwrap me."
"No, I have to fall in love with Judith Light by the series finale and this is going to screw it up!" said Tony Danza. "Besides I'm more into Courtney Cox on Misfits of Science."
"That show went off ages ago," said Alyssa Milano. "Now come let me love you, you big Italian lasagna loaf."
"No, no, no! Well alright," said Tony Danza and they smooched, even frenched.
"What is going on here!" demanded Grandma Mona. "Are you taking advantage of her?"
"No, I can explain," said Tony Danza all sweaty.
"That won't be necessary," said Grandma Mona as she moved in. "You want action, I'll give you action."
Tony Danza acted uncertain but that didn't matter. Grandma Mona grabbed his muscular arm and moved in. She opened her mouth to reveal inch long fangs and sunk them into his olive skinned neck. She drained him dry and did the same to Alyssa Milano. She sucked the blood out of them, killing them.
Then she cleaned herself up for a Total Raisin Bran commercial. It sucked too but at least it paid the bills.