Once upon a time near Peoria there was a real boy named Pinocchijoe. Every night Pinocchijoe would pray to the Bryan Ferry to become a puppet. Jiminy Critic came to counsel Pinocchijoe, but he paid no heed. Pinocchijoe enrolled at the university because he forgot only real boys went there. Pinocchijoe eventually graduated but never gave up his dream to become a puppet. Brief Candlewick invited Pinocchijoe to come along to Rock Island, but Pinocchijoe insisted he wanted to become a puppet not a donkey. Finally after reading Pitchfork Media and praying to the Bryan Ferry, Pinocchijoe became a puppet and sang "I've got strings to hold me down" and lived happily ever after.